... Wimbledon Arena??!!

Being a bit of a fan of good quality hip-hop, it makes me want to fucking puke when I see - and more importantly hear - the lame, pathetic, comercial drivel churned out by some of these Rap artists. Yes I used the word RAP. The reason I use this word is because there is a world of difference between hip-hop music and rap music.

Hip-Hop = The Roots / Braintax / Beastie Boys

RAP = Acon / 50Cent / Snoop Doggy Dogg

Anyone who has listened to the above artists listed next to Rap know that it is pure shite. My basis for this - and to be honest the basis for this entire rant - has to be down to the insightful lyrics on the new Snoop Doggy Dogg track called 'Signs', featuring the wonderfully talented Justin Timberlake, or JT as some sad fuckwits like to call him. They call him this because it obviously makes them believe that in their sad, unfortunate, due to be nothing more than bottom feeder in this society, little lives, it will somehow make them feel like they are good friends with Mr Timberlake. The are in my mind a perfect bunch of people to sit in front of a camera next to some Islamic extrimist group, patiently waiting for their beheading. But i digress ...

Some wonderful lyrics from the track called 'Signs' ...

"It's legit, you know it's a hit"

Legit? Not following Snoop? Do you mean to say all music is a fake? Like a cheap imitation watch or something? And I know it's a hit. How do I know? You don't know me from adam you fool. You have no idea whether I have managed to tap into the 90% of brain nobody knows anything about. Are you trying to tell me I can predict the future or something? Well if I could, i'm damn sure I would be making money from the bookies rather than massaging your ego and letting you know whether you had a fucking "HIT" or not!

"When The Neptunes and the Doggy Dogg fin to spit"

Fin to spit??!!?? You fucking retard! Perhaps a name change is in order Snoop. Introducing Joey Deacon Dogg!! My god, your mother must be sooo proud.

The lyrics that made my blood boil though are as follows;

"Mami, mamasita, have you ever - flown on G5s"
"From London - to a beat ah. You gotta have cake"
"You'll have Sundays with chiquitas"
"You'll see Venus and Serena, in the Wimbledon Arena"
And I can take you (Uncle Charlie, preach!!)"

Jesus give me strength! Firstly, what the fuck is a G5? Secondly, London to a beat ah? Obviously his Geography is exceptional, as I didn't even realise there was such a place called "beat ah". I've gotta have cake? Why? So we can all end up as fat, redneck, hillbilly, inbreed, thick as two short planks, gun totting, insular, self loving, pre-madona, fuckwits like the good 'ol US of A. Fuck off cunt!! I'm not going to even waste my breath about Sundays with you pal. I prefer to do fuck all on my day off, rather than spending it with chiquitas. Notice how he doesn't metion the fact that they won't be speaking to you during this day. Fucker!! And finally ... it pains me this one ... WIMBLEDON IS NOT A FUCKING ARENA YOU DUMB, LANKY, TALENTLESS FUCK!!!

And i'm spent ...

... putting crosshairs over Big Brother contestants

Good bloody god!!

That's all I can really say about the latest bunch of media-whore-wanting-wannabe-motherfuckers who have decided to force themselves on the population of the UK and Ireland!

As I like to find things that really wind me up, I have ended up watching a few episodes of this pure Endemol pushed evil, and all I can say is that I might as well round up 12 cunts from the local state-funded leaches estate, put them in a shed, and slowly gauge my eyes out with a rusty spoon as i'm forced to watch them numb my brain to the point where I lose all faith in the human race.

Last night took the biscuit though. As the one known as Big Brother decided to setup a speed dating challenge, the deranged twats took it in turns to think of how I could make myself famous. This ranged from a mockney gooner thinking he was like James Bond and getting a personal secretary type, big titted woman to eat sweeties of his Mr Burns like body, and then proceed to look at the camera whilst sticking his tongue out and giving us the thumbs up - yeah nice one you cunt. I've seen more talented 8 year olds do the same to a news reporter at some shopping mall. Come to think of it, i've had more talented turds come out of my arse then you pall!

Then came a Surrey lass, who by all accounts is fairly attractive at first glance. Once you've seen her for an episode though, you realise she is about as interesting as a mouldy cup of tea. She decided to do a lap dance for some joker who she fancied. The only problem being that she was about as sexy as a road drain. You just wish she would fuck off to Hollywood and get used and abused by the porn industry, then spat out once her vag and arse had been ruptured to the point of being told that "if anything enters those holes once more, i'm afraid you could see some of your internal organs start to fall out! It's like a fucking wizard's sleeve madam!" Trust me ... this is all I can see in her future, and although sex is great, any sane person would like to be able to not dribble and have their eyes glaze over through sheer boredom after the act.

This is not to say that my hate is reserved for this particular series. The whole notion behind this reality TV program is pure evil. Why the fuck do these jokers think the public really give two shits about 12 people they have never met, and who have about as much class, charisma and talent as a chunk of carrot that i've just vomited into the toilet.

And please don't even get me started on the cunt who does the voiceover for this program. Which genius at Channel4 thought "I know ... he's got the most annoying monotone, ear bleeding, Geordie accent in the world? Let's give him the voiceover job for Big Brother for the next 6 years. Fuck it ... let's get him to do everything on Chennel4 too!" Whoever made this choice - well I suggest you request your P45 now and fuck off out of the country before I find you, force feed you barbed wire, wait for you to start shitting it out, then proceed to pull the bastard out with one of the RAF’s finest fighter jets.

Please, please, let’s get them to do a new game. Send The Chudster in and watch the fuckers drop between the crosshairs of my snipe rifle. Then I could honestly say there is some justice in this world.