... Bad Idea # 15 - The Pink Motorola

Seriously folks this phone is shit. I own the black one and I can categorically state that it is rubbish.

So just to prove how much Motorola are money grabbing bastards, they bring out a pink one. Just to make sure the girlies spunk their money down the drain on a pink piece of shit, with a keypad which is not the correct layout, a screen that turns itself off, and is generally as irritating as Jodie Marsh’s face.

If your Mrs owns one, then destroy it swiftly. If your Mrs states that she wants one, then inform her that she is wrong, and risks extreme ridicule and embarrassment if she continues with such a silly idea. If you are a Mrs who wants, or indeed owns one, then feel proud in the fact that you are dumb, and prefer stupid colours over function.

... Bad Idea # 8 - Christian Seamstress'

Seriously folks ... what in god's name?!?!.

... putting crosshairs over parents who warp their children

Lamb & Lynx are their names. Thirteen year old twins from California. Blonde and blue eyed, they are the band known as Prussian Blue.

AWW BLESS

So why aren't they battling it out with Britney in the US singles charts? Well perhaps - and I could be mistaken here - the fact that their songs have titles such as Sacrifice, a tribute to Hitler's deputy, Rudolf Hess. Or is it because they make Sieg Heil salutes while singing such catchy lyrics like "Strike force! White survival. Strike force! Yeah." Although to be fair to them, I too would like the colour white to survive, as I just don't think your living room wall can be painted any other colour. Well perhaps an off-white shade, or the more popular magnolia option. Yes I jest, but how else do you deal with such twaty opinions?

Apparently Lynx told ABC News: "We are proud of being white. We want our people to stay white we don't want to just be, you know, a big muddle. We just want to preserve our race." Hmmm, something tells me your mum may have had a teeny weeny input into your opinions there missy.

Anyway, on a final note, enjoy the wonderful clothes that mum dresses Prussian Blue in these days. Call me cynical, but something tells me that mum knows a little thing about marketing a product!

APPARENTLY HITLER THOUGHT E's WERE GOOD TOO

... Bad Idea # 4 - The Pea Car

I feel that I don't need to say anymore ...

... only having a shitty blog, and not a Magazine!

When people come up with ideas for, films say, more often than not any idea would have already been covered in one way or another. I'm sure the same can be said for anything a person thinks of. You comment on something, and there is probably someone on this planet who has also thought exactly the same thing.

The reason for this particular rant is something I came across last night. Firstly look at my previous post on here entitled "... how America wants to warp its children" dated - and this is important - October 22nd 2005. Now guess what I came across last night when flicking through my January 2006 copy of Arena Magazine, which landed on my doormat on the 21st November 2005, and isn't actually out in the shops until next week. Well you won't guess is my bet, but there on page 35, is the following little gem.



Can you believe that some bastard came up with the same thoughts as me, a few weeks later, and had the nerve to work for a top magazine and have it published? Jesus fucking Christ I wanted to make a smoothie out of somebody’s face last night when I saw it.
Granted I am just bitter at the fact that I have this shitty little blog to express ideas and opinions on people, due to my large ego that needs massaging, and some other bastard has the means to express his ideas and views via a fucking magazine which is published in Christ knows how many countries. What a cunt!

I'm bitter I know, which is why I can let this go ... just about. It's the fact that I came up with the Lego Guantanamo Bay idea first, and I want royalties I shit you not.

Don't get me wrong because I purchase the magazine every month, and therefore have no problem with it. I just want to do a real life Saw film on the cunt that saw my posting and then had the balls to knick it and put it in a magazine!!

To be honest though I’ll probably send him a fiver and say good for you as you work in a magazine and have made something of yourself, whilst wanky little cumstain old me is stuck in a shitty IS job which pays so fucking well!!!

... and I’m spent.

... how America wants to warp it's children

Oh dear.

That's all that went through my mind when I saw this.

I mean Jesus Christ, what next? A Lego Guantanamo Bay? You know it never ceases to amaze me how fucked up that country is. If you actually look closely at the one holding the portable metal detector, you'll notice that they do indeed have a tiny little replica gun holstered on their hip. Merry Christmas Little Johny, I hope you and the other little 5 year olds enjoy playing Homeland Security. Especially the part where you make the cops kick seven shades of shit out of the tourist for daring to make some quip about having a bomb in his suitcase.

If you feel the need to fuck up your nearest and dearest, and wish to purchase the above item, then just head over to everybody's friend at Amazon.

... another reason to not live in the USA (continued)

Following on from previous post, I have since received this wonderful piece. I couldn't have put it better myself, and the sarcasm oozes from this piece ... marvellous!

"I just wanted a video game, not eternal damnation in hell"

... another reason to not live in the USA

Bill Hicks ... a genius in my eyes. A man who knew the truth about how this world and society we live in stinks. A man who wasn't afraid to speak his mind about anything. A man who wasn't understood by his fellow countrymen. A man who the British public GOT! A man who was loved by the British and dismissed by the Yanks. A man who, when on the brink of finally being understood by his fellow countrymen and about to make it big in the USA, had a higher prescence step in and give him cancer. Cruel to say it I know, but I believe this higher prscence knew what he was doing. Bill Hicks was TOO GOOD for the Yanks.

I digress slightly but I hope to have made a point about how silly "our friends across the pond" are. I'm sure many people have enjoyed the Grand Theft Auto video games, and many of us sensible people - and I mean mainly british here - realise that due to the fact that it has a rating of 18+, that it is NOT aimed at Little Jimmy who goes to school to learn his ABC's.

Anyway, there has been a bit of a scene recently regarding the latest outing of the Grand Theft Auto series "San Andreas". Probably the best and biggest game of the series, it involves the normal scenario of being a small time crook of some description trying to make it big for some reason. Lot's of violence and various homage's to cultural icons has meant that it is a very popular title. The most recent one has been set in early 1990's with a location very similar to California, and most notably LA and San Fran. Obviously this has meant drugs, shooting and drive-bys to name but a few things you can do.

Included in this version, is the fact that to complete the game, you have to start dating various women throughout it. Normally this would mean taking them out, buying presents etc until you finally got invited in to give her a good knobbing! Once done you get various free access to a safe house, weapons, vehicles etc. Very usefull in order to complete the game. Nothing wrong with that I hear you say. Actually i'm sure a lot of people are thinking this is the very reason why nerds are lonely people - but that's another argument altogether. Anyway, on this basis the USA decided to give the game an "M" rating, meaning "Mature" and meant for 17+ year olds.

A few months ago some hackers and moders decided to produce this MOD called "Hot Coffee". In this MOD they managed to hack away to a previously locked part of the game which introduced a minigame where you actually were taken inside the house with the girlfriend and had to actually play the knobbing game. Not exactly porn lets face it, and all parties involved within the game were actaully wearing clothes. All very sad I know, but since this little gem got out, all hell has broken loose. The USA are now demanding all copies be removed from shelves, and they want it reclassed as an "AO" rating, meaning "Adult" for 18+ year olds. Yes you did see that right. 18+ instead of 17+.

So according to the holy than thou country known as the USA, you can be 17 years old and run around drug dealing and shooting people, and taking people out on dates, only to see the outside of the house when you start knobbing someone, but in order to see inside the house, and see two fully clothed animated sprites dry humping, you have to be 18. No wonder they didn't get Bill Hicks.

Jesus fucking christ! What is wrong with these bible bashing, red-neck, inbread fucks! Lets get on our high horse over some computer animated sprites getting it on, but sod the fact that we have a culture within high-schools where anybody different gets picked on and bullied every hour they are within the walls of these schools. Let's have gun shops everywhere within our country, and allow people to buy bullets within any high street shop. Wall Mart at one point did this, yes Wall Mart - the company that owns ASDA. You get the point now? Let's blame everything on other things apart from the real offenders. You want to blame all your childrens problems on video games, TV and film? Get a fucking life ... IT'S YOUR FAULT ... YOU THE PARENT ... YOU THE SCHOOL. My Little Jimmy went off the rails and started doing drugs. He then assaulted someone for money and went to prison. He then started sleeping around with any number of dirty skanks. It's all because of films and that evil game San Andreas. Of course it is. It wasn't your fault you didn't keep an eye on Little Jimmy. It wasn't your fault you didn't give him a loving environment to grow up in. It wasn't your fault that you didn't check what films and games he was playing as a child. It wasn't your fault you didn't know that his friend Billy Bob only lived with his crack-whore mum, and had easy access to drugs, guns, and whore's ... but even worse, it was the fault of those evil Leathal Weapon films and Grand Theft Auto games.

We have a version of these poeple here within the UK ... they all read the Daily Mail every day. God when will these cunts get off their high and mighty cunts and admit they probably aren't very good parents.

Now due to the fact that I have played the game myself, and have obviously been affected by this horrible thing, I will have to use my favourite phrase of the week and deliver some LEAD JUSTICE!!

And i'm spent!

... Wimbledon Arena??!!

Being a bit of a fan of good quality hip-hop, it makes me want to fucking puke when I see - and more importantly hear - the lame, pathetic, comercial drivel churned out by some of these Rap artists. Yes I used the word RAP. The reason I use this word is because there is a world of difference between hip-hop music and rap music.

Hip-Hop = The Roots / Braintax / Beastie Boys

RAP = Acon / 50Cent / Snoop Doggy Dogg

Anyone who has listened to the above artists listed next to Rap know that it is pure shite. My basis for this - and to be honest the basis for this entire rant - has to be down to the insightful lyrics on the new Snoop Doggy Dogg track called 'Signs', featuring the wonderfully talented Justin Timberlake, or JT as some sad fuckwits like to call him. They call him this because it obviously makes them believe that in their sad, unfortunate, due to be nothing more than bottom feeder in this society, little lives, it will somehow make them feel like they are good friends with Mr Timberlake. The are in my mind a perfect bunch of people to sit in front of a camera next to some Islamic extrimist group, patiently waiting for their beheading. But i digress ...

Some wonderful lyrics from the track called 'Signs' ...

"It's legit, you know it's a hit"

Legit? Not following Snoop? Do you mean to say all music is a fake? Like a cheap imitation watch or something? And I know it's a hit. How do I know? You don't know me from adam you fool. You have no idea whether I have managed to tap into the 90% of brain nobody knows anything about. Are you trying to tell me I can predict the future or something? Well if I could, i'm damn sure I would be making money from the bookies rather than massaging your ego and letting you know whether you had a fucking "HIT" or not!

"When The Neptunes and the Doggy Dogg fin to spit"

Fin to spit??!!?? You fucking retard! Perhaps a name change is in order Snoop. Introducing Joey Deacon Dogg!! My god, your mother must be sooo proud.

The lyrics that made my blood boil though are as follows;

"Mami, mamasita, have you ever - flown on G5s"
"From London - to a beat ah. You gotta have cake"
"You'll have Sundays with chiquitas"
"You'll see Venus and Serena, in the Wimbledon Arena"
And I can take you (Uncle Charlie, preach!!)"

Jesus give me strength! Firstly, what the fuck is a G5? Secondly, London to a beat ah? Obviously his Geography is exceptional, as I didn't even realise there was such a place called "beat ah". I've gotta have cake? Why? So we can all end up as fat, redneck, hillbilly, inbreed, thick as two short planks, gun totting, insular, self loving, pre-madona, fuckwits like the good 'ol US of A. Fuck off cunt!! I'm not going to even waste my breath about Sundays with you pal. I prefer to do fuck all on my day off, rather than spending it with chiquitas. Notice how he doesn't metion the fact that they won't be speaking to you during this day. Fucker!! And finally ... it pains me this one ... WIMBLEDON IS NOT A FUCKING ARENA YOU DUMB, LANKY, TALENTLESS FUCK!!!

And i'm spent ...